We all know that the best way to help the environment is the 3 R’s: Reduce, Reuse and Recycle! Here is how you can do that on campus:
The most important thing to reduce is the number of days you spend crying! Crying burns a lot of calories which releases too much heat into the atmosphere. Instead of crying all alone, go to **** or spend some time with the Toike family. Come to the Toike movie night ON FEBRUARY 1st!
Something else that’s easy to reduce in your life is your course load! Tired of all the stress brought to you by taking so many courses? Just drop all of them and become an ArtSci – we may make fun of them, but at least they look somewhat happy when they get their grades back.
Tired of tests getting harder and harder every year? Well, a simple fix to that would be the reusing of tests by profs! Why print out thousands of pages for each course when you can just reuse the questions from last year on the same page. Who cares if the answers are already on it? They probably got it wrong last year anyways because they were just so dumb.
Another thing to reuse is your underwear! Pissed your pants during the hardest test of your life? Don’t worry about it! Just flip them inside out and they’re good as new. You can reuse the same pair of underwear 4 times and no one will even notice!
Don’t forget to throw out your midterm the second you get it. Don’t even bother checking the grade that you got on it because final grades are a magical black box anyways.
Also, keep your eyes out for The Varsity newspaper and remember that it actually does not belong on newsstands, but in recycling bins instead because though it is trash, we care about the environment too much to waste that perfectly reusable recycling paper.
Don’t forget your 3 R’s, kids!