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Toronto—Breaking News: a first year student at the University of Toronto has given up on solving climate change after their first semester marks came back over the winter break.

Dylan Anderson – born and raised in Sudbury, Ontario – had been driven towards ending climate change since they first found out about the problem in kindergarten. They would constantly discuss environmentalism and care for nature with their family and peers. It was a really exciting moment for them last year when they got an offer from the University of Toronto – the #1 School in Canada for Environmentalism – and they were so excited to explore the climate crisis while attending such a great university.

According to the sources closest to Dylan, that whole dream came crashing down when they got their final marks. Some of these sources reported hearing phrases like, “What is this university?”, “Why is my life full of suffering?”, and “I HATE environmentalism, why did I take it?”

Experts say that this is normal for students at the University of Toronto. Dr. Bill, an expert on student dynamics, commented, “It is very normal for UofT students to come in with high hopes and expectations, only to see their marks come back and then give up on everything in their life. It is disappointing to see Dylan like this, but it isn’t surprising in the slightest. At least Dylan isn’t planning to destroy the world to get their revenge.” 

The Toike reached out to Dylan for a comment, but apparently, the Toike reporter who interviewed them hurriedly ran away after hearing what Dylan was going to do to the world.