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Issue: October 2017

Stock Exchange Boiling Over

Posted on: October 22nd, 2017

Bay street is overflowing with investors urgently clamoring to make sense of the fluctuations in the stock market this week. Already Brown Exchange Energy Funds (BEEF) stock is going down the drain: the company has recently faced major public criticism for its high amount of methane emissions and the CEO’s recent death due to Creutzfeldt-Jakob […]

McDonald’s Introduces New Inexpensive Foodstuff

Posted on: October 22nd, 2017

WINNIPEG, MB In response to the ever-growing human population and the subsequent stress on the food production chain, McDonald’s has introduced a new product – the “100% Canadian” hamburger patty, dubbed “Foylint Green” by the company’s food science department. “In our attempt to decrease our carbon footprint, we’ve begun to phase out beef in our […]

The Launch of Uber Celery

Posted on: October 22nd, 2017

Ride sharing Juggernaut Uber has recently revealed plans for the new off-shoot from their main app, and they’re calling it: Uber Celery. “Uber celery is going to change the way you think abou celery” says Uber CEO Data Khosrowshahi. “There’s an imbalance in the world between the people who have celery, and the people who […]