In response to the recent theft of a Toike Oike newsstand by members of the nefarious criminal syndicate of illiterate “engineers” known only as the Ryerson Golden Ram, members of Skule™’s most beloved publication, the Toike Oike, decided that such a wanton act of disrespect could not be tolerated. However, when a group of Toike […]
Lord Denethor, son of Ecthelion, said there was “blame on both sides” for the violent clashes that erupted in Osgiliath over the weekend, equating the actions of Orcish invaders and Dunlendings with those of Gondorians who gathered to challenge them. “I’m not putting anybody on a moral plane. You had one group on one […]
The dragon and the Donkey in Shrek can actually have babies, Frodo can resist the goddamn Ring, but you, my fellow engineer, will never have a manageable timetable! You might be a Frosh and still have that tiny speck of hope, but oh my naive friend, you’ll lose that hope faster than a cheetah runs. […]
“Sit anywheres you like,” hissed Gollum, gesturing to a non-descript, fair-trade boulder near the centre of his studio cave in the up-and-coming neighbourhood beneath the Misty Mountains. “Is the reporterses hungry? We has fresh, local fishes for you to snacks on as an amuse-bouche! Very juicy!” Gollum pours me a goblin skull full of […]
Actor Andy Serkis, best known for portraying Gollum in Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy and Caesar in the Planet of the Apes reboot, has opened a circus appropriately called the Andy Circus. The circus features Serkis himself as the main act, reprising his past roles in just a motion capture suit. Serkis initially […]
UNKNOWN LOCATION IN TIME AND SPACE – “Dude, not again,” exclaimed an exasperated Alice after tumbling several feet down either a rabbit hole or a manhole. “Fuck me, I shouldn’t have eaten that guy’s gum wrapper on a dare.” Alice, now twenty-seven years old, had previously fallen down a rabbit hole at age seven […]
In order to combat the rising tide of obesity as well as the lack of physical activity performed by the majority of the engineering community, the Faculty of Applied Science and Engineering has decided to roll out a new “built-in” fitness plan to the recently opened Myhal Centre for Engineering Innovation and Entrepreneurship. Working […]
“How could our love ever exist in this dystopia?” asked Lilypad, her voice quivering. Are those tears she’s choking on, or the Sorcerer’s betrayal? How could she ever think that she could reunite the 23 realms like her ancestors did all those centuries ago without losing all those she loved – and a piece of […]
March 25, 3019th year of the Third Age BREAKING: Sméagol, better known by his alias “Gollum”, was sentenced to death by volcano just moments after an assault on a backpacking hobbit visiting Sammath Naur, a historical site within Mount Doom. The sentence was met with overwhelming approval from the Council of Elrond, who […]
EFPD HEADQUARTERS, ENCHANTED FOREST – Over the past few years, the quaint community of the Enchanted Forest has seen innumerable crimes go unsolved, leaving many residents feeling uncertain about the safety of their happily ever afters. Late last night, the Enchanted Forest’s Chief of Police Grizz Christian Lee announced that officers had a breakthrough in […]
