Too scared to talk to a girl in real life? Too broke to buy a dating simulator? Fret not, for I,xXx_pUsSy_sLaYeR_xXx, have created a comprehensive step-bystep guide on dating à la dating sims. The contents of this guide have been meticulously curated from my vast experiences of dating virtual girls, extraterrestrial aliens, pigeons, and World […]
After the unprecedented success of Pokemon Go in recent weeks, it’s unsurprising to learn that their creators, Niantic, have already begun work on a follow-up version: Pokemon Stay. Niantic CEO John Hanke elaborated on the motivation behind the new announcement. “We’re going to take everything that we learned based on initial player feedback on Pokemon […]
Latest Skulerim expansion, the Toike has managed to get its hands on leaked stats for every new piece of armor. With all kinds of game-breaking additions, this year’s iteration of The Elder Trolls franchise is sure to be a hit. Yellow Hardhat: Level 1 Armor -10 Sneak +10 Charisma +30 Engineering Magicka Dark Hoodie: Level […]
Building a computer may seem like a daunting task. Well, it is! Luckily for you, we here at The Toike Oike are tech experts and feel obligated to help you poor, poor mortals out. First, we’ve got to choose some parts: CPU (read: silicon abacus): Many “talented professionals” will tell you that the CPU is […]
Well, it turns out that little shit Timmy was right all along–Super Mario 65 has been officially confirmed by Nintendo in a recent press release. Timmy’s dad, who works at Nintendo, delivered the news. “In Super Mario 65, Mario has a gun and you can kill Bowser with it,” he announced with all the public […]
Travellers along College Street have recently found themselves feeling mildly uncomfortable and vaguely concerned since the arrival of a brand new gourmet hot dog stand outside a local cat cafe. The feline-themed establishment known as Bot the Cat Cafe was recently joined in its position just West of Spaydina by a vending cart which claims […]
As society changes rapidly, so does its need to have PC as an everyday part of our lives. Video games have come under fire for not being PC enough. This is a legitimate concern and will have to be addressed by game developers sooner rather than later if they want to stay relevant and maintain […]
A Toronto-based corporation recently declared bankruptcy and liquefied the entirety of its assets, causing severe flooding along a narrow side street in the city’s financial district. Police have advised pedestrians to keep away from the area. The company in question, Foldman Stacks Ltd. and all its subsidiaries, had been experiencing significant difficulty in a troubled […]
For the first time in a long time, the indie classic Super Meat Boy is receiving an update to deal with political correctness issues brought up by Tumblr and similar social justice movements. In the official announcement, the game’s developers stated that hundreds of new playable characters will be released in the coming patch to […]
The University of Toronto has been foregoing annual updates since its alpha version in 1827. Recently, the university launched beta 1.8.9, a release that most notably included the removal of several notable professors and the addition of 2T0s. Unfortunately, this update came with an unprecedented number of bugs. Last Thursday, a CIV100 professor was seen […]
