Welcome to the Pit, or well, its substitute
Welcome to the Pit! (Or at least its substitute for the year) Welcome F!rosh, Upper Years, alumni, Artscis, and all who cause chaos across campus! The pit is the beating heart of culture at Skule TM , playing host to games, builds, ****, studying, refreshments, your friendly EngSoc representatives, shenanigans, and of course, the indomitable [...]
Is this video game making my son satanic?
Hello everyone – concerned Christian father here. My son has been begging me to purchase a new game for him, some new fantasy game or other, something, something, the 14th edition? He eventually convinced me to buy it for him. I didn’t mind it at first, but it eventually began to erode his Christian character. [...]
In the early hours of the morning, a post was published on Twitter.com, penned by none other than Dr. Eggman himself, mortal villain to Shadow the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog. The following is a transcription of the words spoken on the video: “I've come to make an announcement: Shadow The Hedgehog's a bitch ass [...]
Norm & Gord Discuss Video Games
This monthly column features a riveting conversation between brothers Norman and Gordon McLuhan from Moose Jaw. This month’s column is about Video Games! Gord: Welcome back from the summer everyone! I'm Gord. Norm: And I'm Norm! We do hope you had a good break and didn't kill any goblins or anything... Gord: Hey, what's in [...]
LINKEDIN TO NOW ALLOW DISPLAY OF STEAM ACHIEVEMENTS IN “SKILLS”
SUNNYVALE, CALIFORNIA – LinkedIn CEO announces, in a joint statement with his CPO and public affairs partner, that the LinkedIn website will now allow users to add Steam achievements to their list of ‘Skills.’ This comes as the company attempts to cater to the increasingly popular “gaming community,” which has expanded to include more than [...]
Parts of an Arcade Machine and Their Edibility
There are many questions one can ask about the world; an infinite amount, in fact. It is only inevitable that the vast majority of these questions will go not just unanswered, but even unasked. It is up to us as human beings to do our part to carry the banner of curiosity and ask questions [...]
Most and Least Fuckable Game Controllers WHY I HATE N64 CONTROLLERS This started as a ranked list but evolved into a vent piece as I realized I cannot fucking stand this controller. Any complaints I could think of for anything else were dwarfed in comparison to this nintendonian buffoonery. I am dead tired and out [...]
Extra Spicy Ginger Cookies Recipe
OHHHH BOOOYYYYYY FOLKS,As we approach on the 2T5-2T6 Skule Year, I wanted to start a new series: “Random Recipes inspired by the Toike Theme that might work, but like also I have not experimented with in any way so with this warning if you house burns down you can’t sue us because the warning is [...]
NIAGARA FALLS, CANADA — Karen, 69 year old retiree and regular at the Fallsview Casino, told Toike reporters in an fiery outrage that all young people these days are “addicted to screens” and are not capable of “contributing positively to society.” When asked about a source for her claim, she looked at us in shock, [...]
Date Everything but It’s The Pit
You’ve heard of date everything, where you can date emotionally unstable fuse switches or a dishwasher that straight up stalks you, but now get ready for DATE EVERYTHING: PIT EDITION. Get ready to meet some of our eligible young bachelors and bachelorettes! Meet Tick, the ripped up suds ticket that has been fused to the [...]
My Dearest Luigi, where do I begin? Oh, how I love you. You are such a beautiful man, so kind hearted and heroic. Others may see you in a different light, but I know the real you – and you are exactly my type. I must also confess – I do love Italians. And men [...]
The Story of a Completely Fake Arcade
Let’s imagine there’s an arcade. This arcade has many different moving parts. Now let’s talk about the employees. See the arcade will run without the employees, but no one will enjoy the arcade if there are no employees. Now one day, the big owners of the arcade decide they want to make some renovations to [...]
Gamer Bro Complains About Sabrina Carpenter in Fortnite
Dear readers, I love Fortnite. My “friends” say I’m addicted, but they are wrong. They just don’t get it. I could quit any time I want. I only think about it every waking moment and dream about it whenever I get too tired from playing that I fall unconscious because I’m so dedicated to the [...]
Should You Date Your NPC Lab Partner?
LEVEL ONE: CHARACTER SELECTION He spawned beside me in our Verilog lab, face bathed in the blue glow of Quartus Prime like some kind of silicon saint. I’ll call him “Zandrew,” because that was literally his name and also somehow worse than Andrew. Zandrew was the kind of man who looked like he had been [...]
VIDEO GAMES REVIEWED BY MY CATS (WITH PICTURES)
Star Stable Online Reviewed by: Marmalade This is a game I have enjoyed for years; it has perfect controls for getting a face massage from a human’s knuckles. I wish they kept the “you need to keep pressing ↑ or ‘W’ to maintain your speed” feature in the controls because it means that there needs [...]
AriesYour arcade game is ...Fruit Ninja. Someone I know that is an Aries likes food but not fruit, so here you go. TaurusPopeye GeminiAir Hockey. This is generally a two player game and you guys are twins. CancerStreet Fighter. You seem like you would like this game. Also, haha, 69. LeoSpace Invaders. VirgoMario Bros. You [...]
Getting injured in America is kinda like an arcade machineYou gotta input more money or you die. Why is it better to lose your health during summer and winter seasons?So you don't have to worry about fall damage. Why did the gamer play so many video games after his breakup?To console himself. What did the [...]
