The following article is brought to you by the Hatchery. The Hatchery – U of T’s “Shark Tank”. Not that we’re trying to advertise The Hatchery through a Toike article. What even is ‘native advertising’? You said ‘native advertising’, right? Okay all you fish-fuckers and swordfish-suckers, get your minds out of the gutter for a […]
Hello, dearest readers. As a person on track to finish Porn Addiction 101: How Not To Be Horny, I can confidently say that I do not hear the devil’s whispers anymore. Instead, my efforts are studiously fixed on a more intense, titillating hobby: my intense adoration of sharks, and my incessant need to get closer […]
Listen, I can’t remember the last time I submitted something to a Toike. I’m objectively not funny. Well, I’m funny in like, small groups. Groups of maybe 3-6 people. Larger than that and the social anxiety really kicks in, and I get weird and quiet. Even 1:1 is awkward, because I feel like I take […]
Howdy Skule! Welcome back to another Toike classic where we take a relatively normal thing and sexually objectify it for the Editor’s displeasure!This month, we’re taking a spin on this issue’s theme and looking at everyone’s favorite aquatic beast – Sharks! Everyone knows the power of these things – but how good of a lover […]
Sharks. They slink around. They swim around. They flippity floppity splishity splooshity splash around. One could say they even shark around. But what does it mean to shark? Sharkity shark shark. I am going insane. ——- Disclaimer: All shark facts and opinions are the sole opinion of the Merk Getler, praise be to He. All […]
NemoWHAT ELSE IS THEIR KINKY REP FOR?? EmoICE, ICE, BABY – GET IT? CAUSE VANILLA? Honestly, I’d go with rough. Sharks are THE epitome of a ‘bad boy’ vibe. Can’t you see how tough and brooding they look? It really seems like they would be down for literally anything. But just imagine feeling those […]
Recent data from Correlated ‘n’ Biased Testing, Inc. (C’n’BT for short) has sent waves through the medical field, upturning decades of clinical experience and best practices such as “do not swim with 300 pound fish that have as many teeth and literally move while sleeping what the fuck is wrong with you.” In the study, […]
The Institute of Biomedical Engineering and the Zoology Department at the University of Toronto recently showcased the newest addition to their exemplary repertoire – the Hardhat Shark. The Hardhat Shark, scientifically named Engineerus aquaticus, was first conceptualized in 2010 by the esteemed geneticist, Dr. Shark Man, father of Shark Boy, aiming to reduce the gap […]
MY MOM’S BASEMENT, I MEAN, MY SUBTERRANEAN APARTMENT – In late 2020, the second chapter of the oceanic survival game ‘Raft’ was released on Steam, bringing with it exciting new locations, dangerous new enemies, and intriguing new tools for players to contend with. Since then, subsequent updates have focused on minor patches and small additions […]
Friends and fellow Skuligans, in honour of this completely normal and not at all weird Toike theme, I think it’s finally time we destigmatize…uh…being sexually attracted…to sharks. I, uh, I myself have been sexually attracted to, uh, sharks…since I was a kid. Yeah, I was watching an episode of Friends – “The One with the […]
